Missy's Scholarship!

So today marks the end of another school year in my household. My kids have all successfully completed their respective years. Jeff, firstborn and brilliant, finished his first year of high school with amazing success. It was quite an overwhelming experience to be sure. Prior to his grade 9 year the student count in his previous school was 200 all told in grades K-8. This year his student count in grades 9-12 is 1400. Quite a jump to get used, never mind the new routine of switching classrooms, using a locker, eating in a cafeteria, all the high school things. All told he has had a successful year, developed new friends interests and managed quite well.

Jamie....the monkey, the ham of the family who has decided he shall now be known as Ponyboy (thanks outsiders). In fact, he gets his knickers in quite a knot if I forget to call him Ponyboy. And yet, he still is my little man, who prefers to be snuggled up in arms whenever he gets the chance. This one is all-boy mind you. And has decided that he owns every sport in the world. His exuberance for life are only met by his soft, gentle sweet spirit which endears all to him.


This leaves my little princess, Missy who I get to brag on about right now. Missy has tended to always slip into the background, let others grab the limelight and quietly go about her business, rarely making her needs known, and far to often abdicating her desires in favor of others. She too, is a tender soul and this is manifested in her concern and heartbreak for the pain of others-both human and animal. Well today my princess got to be honored. I was at her year end chapel and she successfully pulled out a B average all year round making honorable mention. For those of you who have walked with me, this is all despite her learning disability and her anxiety levels. Additionally, as I am sure most of you have noticed on my FB, she is constantly placing and works extremely hard at her Highland Dance. In addition, today she was recognized for being on various teams at school including Badminton, ultimate frisbee and the Dowel Dance team that danced at city hall. But the best thing of all, was the award that was kept a surprise.

Every year the school awards two scholarships. These scholarships go toward a summer sports camp. The reason for the scholarship is for the student who shows exemplary  Christ like behaviors and attitudes throughout their entire sports year. So.............THAT WAS MISSY!!!!!!!!! We have a scholarship now, toward a sports camp of her choosing. She was awarded this because that gentle sweet spirit that I referred to earlier has shone through during every team practice and game that she has participated in over the year not only to her own team-mates but to team members of the opposing teams.

Poor Missy was shocked when her name was called and she is flabbergasted still with what this all means. And for once my beautiful girl got to be formerly recognized for all that she does and for the sweet heart and spirit that she carries with her. I am so proud of you, my love!!!!! And most of all, YOU DESERVE THIS!!!!!

PS-As one of my friends made mention: I appear to have a triple threat on my hands *giggles*






<-- Missy hearing her name called for the scholarship!

Receiving the scholarship from Mr. Schiemann ->

And still in shock that she won it! I found out after that all the teachers and staff sat around a table and assessed every child who competed in sports this year. Missy won this with a unanimous vote by all the staff at her school!

Empty Heart, Empty Arms

So two days ago marks a 4 year anniversary for me. And to be honest, it is a bittersweet one. Four years ago, I set out on a path that changed my life, at the time it was a good decision.  And it still is a good decision, what makes it bittersweet is that I am not where I picture myself. Four years ago, as I set on this journey, I imagined finishing up my grad school education with a degree in front of me. Well, due to other circumstances, that is put off for another year. Four years ago, I pictured having a significant other in my life, likely being married and hopefully onto, or at least planning on, finishing my family. And yet, that too remains elusive.....hard to see your dreams and goals crumble.

What makes this more poignant and difficult, is that there is a slew of friends on my fb, that have either just had babies, are having babies or are getting married. Additionally, there are friends who have been going through difficult life circumstances, and save a few, most of them have found resolution and have been brought out of that desert season, something I desperately long for, but something that seems more and more remote with each passing day. I joke (not so much) that I am living on an expiration date here and that date is fast approaching.

So where does this leave me? Begging, crying, screaming and having an all out argument with God as to where my inheritance is? And where is my destiny? You promised me a rich and abundant life God, and so far that is not here. You know I seek You, You know how much I long to hear You, and yet, repeatedly it feels like You turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to my cries.

My heart breaks, daily now, in fact minute by minute I feel one more piece breaking off. I'm frantic to gather the tiniest pieces up, to hold them, save them, set them aside for a time when I can put the pieces back together and yet they slip away and out of my reach. I can no longer put this heart back together and so I watch helplessly, despairingly as the pieces break and fall away.

Where is my hope Lord, where are my promises? Why are they not coming true and how can you ask more of me when there is nothing left save an empty heart and empty arms.....where once I held my hope and dreams......