Is there really justice anymore?

I find myself in a very difficult position. In principle, as a therapist, I have been always about rehabilitation. And I have suffered many injustices. Despite that, I have still chosen a place of forgiveness where I really want to see rehabilitation. I want to see people healed and restored. That is my heart's desire. That is one of the premises that I practice my career. And then the unthinkable happened. Despite the fact that I have suffered far too many injustices on a personal level, most of which people would think was unthinkable, it got worse. My son was assaulted. And we reported to the police. And crown pressed charges. And today was the day. Today was our court date. And as I sit and type this, tears constantly stream down my face, and as soon as I wipe those away, more follow.

And the crux of this is my status as a therapist. For as I sat in the courtroom, in a place of high anxiety all day, and the end of the day, "mental illness" was the status quo. And that's how it all came down. And I wonder how I reconcile all this. The very fact, that our justice system chooses to overlook the damages that my son sustained and sides in favor of someone who has potential mental illness. And rules in favor of that. And I might believe it, I just might........

...........until I saw him smirk at me as we walked out. And in that moment, I knew that he knew what he did. And I knew that he knew he got away with it. And I knew he knew the damages he caused. And I knew that he rejoiced in the fact that he got off, with nary a slap on the wrist. And what came down for him will not matter, it will not change him, nor will it change what he does or does not do. And all of this means nothing to him. I saw that in him as we walked out.

The crown tried really hard to convince us of our safety. Convince my son that this isn't just a paper thing. That there really is meat to it. I sat all day during court. I watched him. He sat there, spinning his chair, looking completely dumbfounded. Then he took the stand, and "couldn't remember" what had happened. Although he remembers punching my son in the head. And then his dad spoke, although I never got a chance to. And pleaded bullying and ADHD. But my son's bullying? His suicidality as a result of the assualt? None of that was spoken about. I didn't get to enter that as evidence. I didn't get to speak of the impact that this has had on my family.

And we came home, we cry in shock as we try to assimilate this information. And we google all the martial arts courses in Poco, because my son wants to carry a knife now, to protect himself. He won't but he wishes he could. And I remember his smirk as I walked out. I remember the look he shot me. And in that look, I saw that he knew, ..he knew exactly what he did, and he knew how he played it out. Whether or not he fools his parents, I don't know. What I now know, is that he uses his diagnosis to get away with murder. It wouldn't surprise me if he had his parents fooled. He knew he was guilty and he knew he played the ADHD card and he knew his parents would buy in hook line and sinker. He knew the judge would buy in. And the judge did. What was the recommended sentence was dismissed. Instead, a sentence in favor of his "illness" was decreed. I know the system, I am in it. I work with youth and I know what goes down. And I know that the sentence is and meant nothing with nothing behind it.



And so arises my dilemma..........how do I as a therapist, who believes in rehabilitation and restoration, come to terms with this? How do I reconcile this? It was a good principle in theory, until it hit me right in the gut and wrenched the knife in my heart with a good solid twist or two. When I see my son frustrated, scared, angry and fearing for his safety? When I see him trying to come to terms with what happened and how it affects his self perspective? When I see him doubt his goodness, his validity, his very being? Knowing this assault has impacted things? Knowing this assault has caused further questioning? Knowing his pain? Wrestling with him to ensure his safety? Arguing with him that there is a reason, we need to believe and trust, it will work out for good? Guarding him through the night to ensure he remains alive tomorrow? How do I reconcile this? How do I reconcile that rehabilitation is a good option? That there is something in every person worth my fight? When I lie awake at night, sneaking into my 17 year old's bedroom to make sure he breathes in his sleep before I go to bed? When I stand guard over his life night and day? And I remember the smirk on the face of that child. The child who knew what he did, who knew the damage he caused, who felt no remorse for his actions and in fact gloried in the fact that he got off with less than a slap on the wrist.
That expression is forever burned in my brain.

And the bigger question, how do I forgive? How do I teach my son to forgive? My son has issues. He has been bullied, he has suffered, far more than this child. For he has suffered abuse and he has suffered the loss of a parent. And yet, although, on the surface my child's suffering outweighs that of this child, my son would never hurt someone else. My child would never take his pain out on someone else. So how do I teach him to forgive? How do I teach him to have compassion on his assailant, who has not suffered the depths of pain my son has? Yet my son will not hurt others because of his pain? How do I teach him to forgive this child, who hurt him so desperately? When, my son, who has suffered greater depths of pain, would never take that out on an innocent? How do I teach him to look for, to find the goodness in people? How do I teach him to release and let go of his anger? To forgive, because for him that is the better option? How do I trust, that what goes around comes around and that on some level, justice will be served. How do I teach my son this, when I,. myself barely believe it anymore?

Lord have mercy on us. Because that is all I have left to hold onto............

Court and Police and too much of both

So the end of this week turned out to be rather difficult. For you see, based on the events of last year, me and the kids have two outsatnding court dates. For both of those we were hoping that there would be plea bargaining and early settlements in play. But as it turns out, not so much. And I wondered why. In both instances, it would be far less anxiety provoking if things were just settled out of court. But it looks like that is not to be the case. And in fact, in some instances, I know that that is not to be the case.

The first one happened on Thursday morning. I had a conference call scheduled with the BC Human Rights Tribunal and with a representative from Kenson Realty. The purpose of the call was to set trial dates, as the respondant had submitted a form 3 wanting the case to be dismissed, As he (we) learned on Thursday, he will have to submit his application for dismissal by April 6. I am hoping he does not manage to get it done in time. And to date, they have not managed to submit anything on time. Additionally. the letter that I received as a response is packed with lies, from one end to the other. So as the call progressed, it appeared that we were headed toward trial and should that be the case, we will have a 5 day trial in December. That said, we may have an early settlement mediation meeting. That has yet to be determined. If so there is a chance that this could be settled outside of court. If that proves not successful, then we go to a lengthy trial. I am not sure which I prefer.

The second meeting on Thursday involved the Crown Counsel. And likewise we were hoping for a plea bargain. Alas, that is not to be the case. This one involves Jeffrey and the other child who assaulted him last April. We (including the Crown) were hoping that they would settle outside of court but that child has chosen to  maintain that he is not guilty. The crown however, has looked at the evidence and has assured us that as far as he is concerned this kid is guilty. So Thursday afternoon, we went to a mock trial. The Crown sat with Jeffrey and ran him through all the questions that Jeffrey will have to face on the stand. It was nerve wracking to say the least. And that was just in the office. The trial is set for this Monday and it is going to be a very trying day. We are scheduled for 9:30 but the Crown has asked us to be there 9:00 am. The Crown has a total of 4 witnesses to call. This could be a long day. So prayers would be much appreciated. For the outcome to be in Jeff's favour and for justice to be served.

Last year was a year of one injustice after another against my family. And in fact, my own life has been that of one injustice after another. And now here we sit, with two court cases, neither of which appear to be able to be settled outside of the courtroom. And yet, I feel there is a purpose to it. As I was requesting prayer from my church, the thought popped into my head that there was a reason that these weren't settling out of court. That reason being that God is going to use them to turn the tide for my family and use these to usher in  justice when to date justice has been scarce. I just have this feeling that this is the beginning of redemption for me and mine and  justice will be our legacy. I ask that you would join me in praying this through.

As for Monday? Well, that will be one more "trial" both literally and figuratively. I am preparing for a mentally and emotionally exhausting day. Please cover us and most especially Jeffrey. This is quite a anxiety provoking ordeal for a 17 year old to have to walk through. Please pray favor and God's peace that passes all understanding to encompass us.

Thank you