The evils of Crazy Making

So I having been having some interesting conversations with people as of late. One has been with a girlfriend of mine and we have been discussing how some people will end up argueing with you and go round in circles with you abut a topic. The problem here is that they hook you in with logic and then very subtley proceed with thier own sense of logic (which by the way makes no sense whatsoever) but somehow you end up getting sucked in and end up in a position where you argue with them but don't get through to them and you end up walking out of that "discussion" feeling like the idiot. The girlfriend that I was talking this over with is highly intelligent so I can vouch for the fact that she is NOT an idiot. And yet I know from first hand experience what sh is talking about....crazy making. We even joked about it to the point where we decided there should be a new category in the DSM entitled jackass syndrome and we would define it by the way of people's photographs.

But moving on to crazy making....its a dangerous thing. Most of my marraige I lived in it. Being of the type of presonality that is moving into counselling, it gets hard becasue I always try to understand the others veiwpoint and therein lies the problem. In trying to do that, I would end up gettgng hooked into my x's own bran dof logic and get lost to the piont where I cmae out of there feeling stupid, an idiot, shamed, embarassed, useless and with no self esteem. People who crazy make also generally do it i anger so add intimidated and fearful and panicked to that list.

Craay making is a terrible terrible thing, for it also serves to cause isolation whic very quickly turns into an abusive relationship. You end up cut off from friends and family and believing you are carzy. It leaves you entirely vulnearble and by this time you are in a position where you doubt yourself so much that you follow along with the crazy maker's thoughts and plans. YOu have been isolated and you have been made to think that you are stupid and so you follow along with someone else's logic cuz it seems to make sense and you by this point doubt your own mind.

Its a dangerous dangerous game. THIS destroys people. THIS is what causes women to get stuck in abusive relationships. The dire otucome is that they may take their lives, or they will be killed by their abusive partners. With me, it went so far as to my x phoning my place of employment and trying to get them to fire me because I was insane and crazy and dangerous. Thats how far he took it.

Crazy making destroys a person on a number of levels. But the bottom line is that it destroys their soul. So this begs the question: why do poeple do it?

To be honest, the answer is quite sinple. It stems like most things for the person's own lack of self worth and their own fear of looking at their past. My x couldnt stand the idea that I might be smarter than him although it was very obvious that I was. And in my own defense I did not lord that over him and would in fact hold him in a lot of grace regardign that and try to build him up in that area as best I could but the fact remained, I am smarter than he and he couldnt handle that. But that is based on his own dpeiction of himself. That is how fragile he is. This craay making behaviour is also fariy typical in bullies. They will do much the same thing, find an area in which they can power over someone else and seize on that until they cripple another. All in a feeble attempt to ensure they feel good about themselves. I almost said like themselves, and I guess that does factor in as well but it astounds me that someone who does that finds taht as a source of liking themselves. But hten again, it isnt so much as a cognitive understanding of accpetance of themselves as opposed to a fleeting feel good moment. And that's part of the reason it is so dangerous. The feeling is fleeting . And you quickly become desensitized to that feeling so it takes more and more dangerous abuse of another to ensure you gain that feeling back. Oh, the tangled webs we weave.

So many or our maladaptive behaviours stem from our own areas of pain. I wish that I could heal it all. I hate it when I see these things happen to those I love and to behonest I hate that it happens on both levels. I hate what it does to the victim for I know their pain and my hart cries out for their agony. I hate what the perpretrator is doing, for I know their pain and my heart cries out for their agony and healing.

PLEASE people, take a step back, look at your actions and determine if there is a source of wounding that is causing hwo you act. PLEASE PLEASE find some healing. I know it hurts, I know its scary and I know it looks like it willl NOT bring the freedom that you desire. I know that your heart lay heavy right now with a hope lost for nothing that you seem to try works. Please of for your heart's sake and for the sake of the hearts around you, find a safe loving person who will support you and walk alongside you as you seek out the healing that you need to set yourself free.

As I write this, I think of many things with tears streaming down my face and my heart shattering at the depth of pain that people feel. I know the pain of the victim for I once WAS one. I know the pain of the perpetrator for I have lived in a place where my flesh wanted to seek out and destroy the one who caused the pain in me. I think of my x and our interactions and I feel compassion for the depth of pain that he lives in. I wish he could gain his freedom for it sits and beckons ot him. I pray that whomever reads this understand that each amd every one of you is a treasure and your hearts deserve nothing less than being held with honor. Find your healing.....its the only way.....