Today it happened

Today I celebrated my son's 16 birthday. His actual birthday isn't until Monday but due to circumstances, we had to celebrate today. I have been sitting on a secret for a year now. Well longer than that. For a long time, I have dreamed of giving my children a car for their 16th birthday. We, in western civilization, don't have a rite of passage. And yet, at 16, our kids can get their license. So for my family, that is their rite of passage. I use it as a teaching method.

Some people think that they need to show responsibility before they get a car. My view is that having a car and a license demands responsibility. Coupled with a wise parent, this is an excellent turning point, a rite of passage. For after this, more responsibility will be expected of him and placed on him. And the safest place to learn that is in my house with my arms catching his fall.

So tonight, my son got his rite of passage. We celebrated his 16th birthday, took him out for dinner (as per usual), he opened his presents at the restaurant, and discovered he had a key.

Then I blindfolded him as he walked outisde. I led him to his car. And even now, four hours later, he is still stunned and it is still far too surreal for him.

And yet, when I held him, and heard him choke back his tears and he attempted to thank me, I knew.

I knew that I had made my son's 16th birthday wish come true. I also know, that he understands, that as a single mom, it took great amounts of sacrifice to make this happen for him.

And I finally know that my son is beginning to take a glimpse outside of his own reality and ego-centric existence. He is beginning to understand the sacrifices that a) a parent makes for their child and b) a single mom makes for her son.

I hope one day that he looks back and says "wow I never really realized how much my mom did for me, how much, as a single parent she sacrificed for me."

But if he doesn't, my contentment lies in the fact that I did sacrifice. I sacrificed myself, my wants, my desires, my needs for the sake of my son and his happiness.

Every parent wants better for their children. Few understand that that means they put themselves aside and sacrifice their own person.

Tonight, as I held my son, choked with tears for his gift, I know why I sacrifice. It is for this smile!