On the upside

wow, it has been a crazy time lately and I am not entirely sure why or what caused it all. I know that part of my healing is going ot mean that I embrace things....the emotions connected with various things in my life, rather than run and hide from them. In doing so, I am trying to put good and safe things in their place. I am also trying to learn where to keep my focus. That I think is the biggest struggle. Far too often, I take my eyes off of Jesus. For instance, a speaker I once heared likened it to having an etch a sketch. Now if you recall that toy, you had to look reallly close to discern where the line was and so picture with me, a child leaning over his etch a sketch trying hard to draw his picture. You can bet that that is all he sees. THAT is my typical response to negative situations that arise in my life. They consume my vision and that's all I see.

So what I have been training myself to do is to turn my eyes and cast my vision on my Saviour. In that vein, I spent ALL day and I mean ALL day on Monday feeding my spirit. Listened to a bunch of teachings, listened to worship, moved inot the presence of God, did some prophetic painting, listened to more worship. From the moment I got up. Then I spent some time in prayer and communion and wrestled some things out.

I woke up yesterday in a much better frame of mind and then of course and I brought myself back to the throne room and fell into my Daddy's arms. If ever you need a song to turn your heart back to the Lord, try "Home" by Phil Wickham. I had it on repeat all day and it became my prayer for yesterday. then I drove by the hospital and things got stirred up. So when I got home, after I blogged, I contacted a therapist friend of mine and we chatted about safe and healthy ways to embrace the pain. What I found that made this time go a little easier is that I caught myself before I became too embroiled in it. And by doing so, it was easier to come up for air for I was not quite as below the surface as I can get. So I worked on photography....something that I have grown to love. Went out and hung out with a buddy in whose presence I can "be" wihtout having to fake it til i make it. And I healed.

So today, before I start my day, I will be worshipping and training my mind to keep my eyes where they belong, wholly fixed on the one who CAN save me, on the one who CAN heal me and enter into His presence with thanksgiving for all He is doing in my life.

And so thanks to all who expressed concern. Now I am on the upside and am looking to embrace wholeheartedly what is on my plate for today and remember to cast my eyes on Him.......not the pain..........