Aug 19, 1995

so fifteen years ago, I got married. Today is my wedding anniversary for a marriage that I no longer have although am not divorced from....

So many hopes I had had, young and naive as I was and today I should be celebrating 15 years but instead I am remembering dreams died.......

Grampa

It's been 1.5 years since Grampa passed, two this October. Due to unfavorable circumstances, I was denied my opportunity to say Good-bye. I love my Grampa dearly. Many times, I recall, even into my adulthood, I would climb onto my Grampa's lap, he would put his arm around me and kiss me. Again, due to circumstances, I was nearly denied attending my Grampa's funeral and memorial. I miss him dearly and for whatever reason, today, Grampa is prominent in my mind.

So many things I would say to him, should I have been given the chance. First and foremost, sorry Grampa for taking you for granted, for not attending and pouring into your life as I wish I did. and thank you, thank you for loving me, and last but not least "I love you Grampa, more than you know and even realize! So much so I wish I could go back and undo things. I wish I could sit and your lap and hear your stories. I wish for one more time that I could on your lap with your arms around me. I just wish for more......

12 Years old

This is Missy when she was between 1 and 2 years old. Yesterday we celebrated her 12th birthday. I remember the day she was born. I, in fact, remember the whole birthing procedure. How thrilled I was to have a girl! Something I had wanted my entire life. I had always wanted to be a mom and a mommy of a girl and 12 years ago that dream, that wish, came true. And there she is.

Now 12 years later, she still is my baby girl and I love her more as I watch her grow into an amazing young woman. This picture was taken yesterday and her surprise birthday. When Missy was three, she sat on Santa's lap and asked him for a horse. Little did he know.....she meant a real one. Thinking it was very cute and wanting to get into her brain, I asked her....."where would we keep it?" Her response.."on our patio...." and so I continued.."what would we feed it?" her quick and emphatic reply...."hamburgers..." She like them so why shouldn't a horse, right? And so began her dream that hasn't yet died...to own a horse. Well I am not made of money and to date that dream has been something that I have not been able to make come true...... However, last night I sort of did. Last night for her birthday I planned a surprise and outdid myself if I do say so. I booked us for an hour long trail ride, but I didn't tell her. So she asked what we were doing for her birthday and I told her, we were going to eat out (like we always do). So we started driving. Then as we got closer, I pulled over and blindfolded her. And we continued to drive. When she asked about the blind fold I told her that it was because we were going to a new restaurant and I wanted to surprise her. So away we went. We pulled up and I got her out of the car, blind fold intact and then I stepped back with my camera ready and told her she could take off the blind fold. This was her expression:

When our trail guide saw her  expression he actually laughed out loud. It was quite a sight to see. After our hour long trail ride, we went out to eat at Montana's keeping in theme of course. And of course the presents were western oriented. So maybe I haven't been able to give my little princess her horse, but I did give her a horse for a day and for one day, I managed to make her dream come true.

Watching her grow is something else. My neighbor just commented that she is looking more like me with each passing day. That, neither of us see, and we will both vehemently defend that position. But what I do know is that, she is growing into a stellar young lady and it won't be long before she quite easily passes me. I can't wait to watch these next few years and watch exactly where her road takes her..... She has great things in store for her and she will see success for she follows her heart and that won't fail her......

And this sums up her day!