What makes you hide?

"Don't ask or demand that someone be something/someone they are not. Authenticity is rare, we should encourage and nurture it! ~ Natalie Brown

This quote from a friend of mine, got me thinking. What is it about authenticity, about transparency that scares us so much? Is it the fear that our skeletons will be found out and we shall be judged based only on our skeletons? Is that why we hide?

Trust me, I have far more than my fair share of skeletons and yet, there is freedom in being me. There is liberation in being true to what I think and feel and not allowing myself to allow others to determine who or what I am. We all have skeletons, mine may or may not be worse than yours. What would that matter anyway? You have yours, I have mine, let's call it even and call it a day. Because, (and here is the key) what nearly destroys me, you may sail through fine, and what I sail through without a second thought could very well be what brings you to your knees. I think therein lies the truth: I am affected by things differently than you are and as a result, I have no right to judge whether your struggles are suitable struggles because you know what? For YOU they ARE. So what makes me the judge and jury of what you should or should not struggle with. I have not lived your experience, I have not suffered your hurts and pains, so based on that and that alone, I have no right to even suggest that what affects you should not affect you.

So, that aside, what makes us hide? Is it our fear that others are better than us? That we are somehow more evil or more "bad" and if we were transparent than people would see that?

I had this conversation with my intern supervisor and what we both agreed on is this: the world suffers from a global self esteem complex and yet we all firmly believe that we are isolated in this regard. We look at our neighbour, friend or family member and compare ourselves. We see in them things we want for ourselves and this then highlights our shortcomings and the things we don't like within ourselves. Result" we end up hating oursleves and experiencing a self esteem issue or an inferiority complex and believe that we are the only ones that feel this way.  So we hide. And yet, in doing so we miss so much richness in our lives. We miss seeing the treasure that others are and we miss the treasure that lies within ourselves. Think of the things you could accomplish if you really knew who you were and believed it. And then granted others the same thing?

Is it he belief that in order for us to be successful, we have to maintain that facade whether or not we believe it? Fake it til you make it? Do we really believe that even if we don't feel secure, if we act it, we will be secure? The problem with this is that we come off as arrogant, prideful, self centered and superior. And then, as much as we long to be in relationship with people, we end up pushing them away instead. So in our attempt to fake it till we make it, we end up losing the one thing that we so deeply and intensely desire to gain. We put up walls around our pain, we seal it off and appear inpenetrateable to others. But you see, when we wall our pain in, we wall ourselves in and then we lose the  relationships and deep soul intimacies we long for

Or are we really just that shallow? Are we so disillusioned with life and what this world has to offer and the state of humanity that we choose to live a shallow passionless existence. Have we subscribed to apathy in order to dismiss the fact that we should stand up for those around us? Do we feel so powerless in the face of evil that it becomes easier to look the other way to maintain a semblance of comfort? If that is true than I would ask this: is the sacrifice of giving up yourself and living a passionless, shallow existence worth the comfort that looking away brings? For me, it doesn't. I simply cannot stand aside and see human suffering. I am COMPELLED to act. Yes it hurts to do so. In doing so I am transparent, I am vulnerable and I risk being wounded. But I gain LIFE and passion and a zest for living and a deep stirring in my soul.

So what makes you hide?