Ah.. St. Patrick's Day, this seemed like an appropriate post. Forgive if this sounds whiny, but I am realy exhasuted right about now tired or spinning my wheels and going nowehre fast.
Some may say, what do you mean, going nowhere? Graduation is in sight. Yes it is, and I am exahsuted. I have grad school burnout. I have single parent burn out. I have not-able-to-make-financial-ends-meet burnout.
I'm tired. I'm tired of stressing and trying to figure otu how the next bill will be paid. I am tired of having no money to do anything when i see the posts of all my friends and how much fun they are having doing such and such and going here and there and I sit at home and stare, hoping to numb out or cry, wishing for a break in this living hell. I am tired of not having a holiday, and convincing myself that soon enough I shall have one, when soon enough isn't even on the horizon. I am tired of putting a happy face on in order to convince my children that this is all a good thing and it will make us better people we just have to make wise decisions and walk tings out by the high road, when I cannot even see the road.
I am tired of pulling everything out at the last minute in order to keep making thier lives a good thing and giving them their dreams which cost my sacrifice and my doing without just so that they can have. And then when I can't figure out how to make their dreams happen holding them as they cry, knowing I failed them yet one more time.
I am tired.
I am desparing
I am without hope.
and it ain't easy being green....
No comments:
Post a Comment
Just previewing