SWA (Superwoman Anonymous)

Hi! My name is Kristie de Jong and I am NOT a Superwoman. Although I suppose I look like it at times. BUT I am NOT superwoman. In fact, all I am is a simple girl with big dreams. However, I can see how some might think I am.

Let's recap: in the last five years I have survived, overcome, kicked and screamed through, gritted my teeth and held on while (insert favorite descriptive here) more crises than most people know exist.

I have: separated from an abusive husband who raped me
     -re-entered University
     -graduated with my BA in Honors Psychology
     -raised three children
     -taught said children HOW to have a healthy relationship with aforementioned ex
     -fought through numerous career crushing rumours
     -managed through numerous social services investigations disproving all rumours and accusations
     -nearly  obtained my MA in Counseling Psychology (thesis outstanding)
     -survived rape while in University
     -sold my marital home
     -made an urgent move to a new address after the rape
     -started a few different businesses (including my private practice)
     -having to call 911 at various points to ensure my children's safety
    -continuing abuse from my x
     -accusations from a guy I "dated" that included my stalking him and B & E in his house
      -ongoing estrangement from family because I will not subscribe to their mental/emotional abuse
     -family siding with x
     -having my life blogged about with blogs being laced with accusations, lies. rumors, slander and libel           enough to upset my chi children

AND THIS YEAR ALONE:
     -survived two robberies
     -had my son assaulted
     -waded (and still wading) through a human rights complaint
     -discriminated against because I have children
     -threatened with legal action
     -accused of fraud and keeping funds for self gain (is that rightly called embezzlement?)

AND SINCE SEPTEMBER
     -gang task force and SWAT descending on my property
     -children trapped in the house whilst said SWAT and GTF were active on property
     -police called on me for no reason
     -verbal attacks by neighbors due to said SWAT and GTF (insert second roobery)
     -son's accused floating on the outside of our lives (despite a no contact order)
     -another urgent move (due to aforementioned GTF and SWAT)
     -CSI investigation on property
     -guns trained on my house during said SWAT and GTF investigation
     -family members continuing to abuse by telling me that I have no right to fight for myself or my children, we should expect discrimination and suck it up and live in a shit hole because I am NO princess and deserve nothing better
     -fighting with the current landlord to not enter my house without me there
     -my dog being beat
     -fighting with future landlord over safety concerns with the new house
     -cleaning and painting new house
     -packing and painting
     -working two jobs
     -managing the mental health of my children

(that's all I can remenber)

(and that's only the last couple years)

BUT

I
AM
NOT
SUPER
WOMAN

in fact, I am just a simple girl. I cry........ALOT. and I am weak. and I wish for someone to come along and help me with things. But no one offers. So I go it alone. I wish it were different and if it were me, I likely would go it alone. For you see, I am nothing more than those family members suggested. But my children are better. They are not THAT. They are amazing and they deserve the best of the best and so I fight for their sake. They have unheard of and untold hell as their life experience and yet their spirits are beautiful and amazing and joyous to be around. And so for them, I fight. For they deserve all those amazing things. And I die inside because I have nothing left. People "hear": and "see" my life but no one stands with me. They all remain outside observers with no one thinking that maybe, just maybe I cannot manage. Maybe, just maybe I need a hand. But everyone has lives, everyone has an issue or a something that prevents them from reaching out. And I will not ask,. I will NOT be a burden. I may not be superwoman, but I will not be a burden.

And so I keep going.
I cry.
I fall apart.
I scream.l
I stop functioning.

But all that needs doing gets done. For my kids. I show up to their field trips even if it means 5 sleepless nights to ensure the rest gets done.

And then I crash.
Cry
Weep
Bleed
Die

and although I look like Superwoman, I am NOT

Hi!
My name is Kristie de Jong

And I am NOT superwoman......