Graduation

I didnt write yesterday, it was the day Jeffrey graduated from middle school into high school, but you had already gotten that post. However, today is the last day of school for Jeffrey in the safe arms of Hope Lutheran Elementary School. I attended chapel this morning and to be truthful I havent stopped crying since last night at Jeff's ceremony. However, today my reflections turned to the school and staff and how they have been to my family. Many of you who know me, know a fair amount of my life and what that has entailed in the past four years or so. And you know that my life has not been easy to say the least. However, very few if any of you know what my early years were like. Well let me tell you the bit that you have glimpsed of my life would be easy to deal with but I have a past like we all have a past and it still has its moments of haunting me. Based on that and the events of the more recent years I can with all confidence say, I have walked into the pits of hell, I have seen it, I have lived it and I have walked out of it. My brother told me not that long ago that he was questionned about this faith by some who knew us as children. They were amazed that he (we) still had a faith basis. His response? "How can I not? We as children walked with and held hands with evil and we know what it is and we know its extent. We know there is a living breathing satan who is hell bent on our destruction. It's almost as if we have no other choice."

In reflecting on this, it stood out to me today, just how far our little school has gone for me and my children. We would not be where we are if it weren't for all those loving hearts that are turned toward us. So I scurried home and wrote this for the school, I am engraving it on a plaque that they will recieve in the next day or two;

So to all the dedicated teachers (those present and those no longer with the school), staff and principal of Hope Lutheran School, I honour you:

You Stand In

When life spins me on its tail
I know not where to turn
When I feel like I’m derailed
And my kids feel much concern
You Stand In

When I cannot lead them forward
And teach God’s love and truth
When they’re lost and ignored
You show them what they’re worth
You Stand In

When Godly wisdom can’t be found
And I cannot see His light
When I see the enemy abound
And his lies obscure my sight
You Stand In

When my children’s heart are heavy
With sorrow that’s not theirs
When no one hears their plea
You offer up your prayers
You stand in

As a family, when we’re lost
When we’ve stumbled, fallen down
No matter what your cost
Your love lies all around
You stand in

Thank you for standing in for my children and guarding their hearts, minds, lives and souls.

ouch

ok, so, so not impressed with today. I have been sitting here playing bejewelled and reflecting on things and it appears that I might be destined to loving those who don't love me back and least not in the manner or to the degree that I love. It sucks, cuz it hurts. And I have to wonder about God's wisdom in this.





in wondering about his wisdom, I started to reflect on us and Him and our relationship with him and all I can say is I am glad I am not God. He willingy chose to love us, despite the fact that we may not love him back at if we do, it is definitely not in the measure that He loves us.





I love and I have loved, those who choose not to love me back in the same measure. And the thing is, I can't not love them. I know that much so I don't fight. There's no point. I have relationships where I know part of the bigger spiritual perspective of these relationships. there is joy in them tobe sure, but there is also pain, there is anticipation and there is potential rejection and it all seems to go hand in hand. And I wonder how does God do it? How does He risk it all, to love us who may choose to reject HIm, how does he do it and choose to love us and even if we love back it is no where close to being in the same measure that He loves us? I know from my minute earthly experience what the risk brings for me, I know that there are those I love that will never love me back and to be honest? there are times I curse it and hate it cuz it hurts and me and pain don't get along so well



And yet, I would gladly take the pain of those ones that I love in this manner if it meant sparing them, thats the depth of it. That's what my love mandates. Go figure. Me who hates pain, would gladly take it on to spare those I love.



Love.............crazy crazy thing we got going here.....



not sure what to do with it...........I was thinking today I might write a book on it, cause there are some instances that I know my persepctive is different from most, and then i think this way and know that I have no idea waht it is and how to manage it.............I simply love with all the pain that that may entail..........

I was thinking earlier today that I may write a book on this and I know that I hae a unique perspective on it. And then I thought of htis tonight and I realize there are so many things that about love that I still have yet to understand.

And yet bottom line, there are those I love who may never return it, there are those I love whom i know WILL never return it. Can I stop loving them? Not if I want to remain true to who i am. Does it hurt, this knowledge? Hurts like hell. Can I change it? Likely not. I am so glad I am not God as I can only take this in small doses, never could I withstand this to the level He does.

And so I sit and love..........and I sit and cry.........and I sit and love..........with all its gruesome pain.......I sit and love, for I have no other recourse, I can't stop loving and so perhaps I should try and learn to embrace it......

For now..........I love..........