Forgiveness

Quite a concept this one as i find myelf navigating its waters. Forgiveness is easy for the little things. So why is it that the bigger one feels the transgression, the harder it is to forgive? It's very easy to pay lip service to the words., "Yes I forgive you" while internally there is a battle that still rages. How do you make your emotions line up with forgiveness. I've been exploring some concepts in different conversations, one friend was quick to point out that you have to honor the feeings that you are expereincing, they are real after all. But how do you honor them without having them consume you? I konw that forgiveness is more about the forgiver than the forgivee. Although I do wonder if in forigivng the other, you also allow for the hand of God to move in that life. Many times over the course of things, people have said that forgiveness is a choice and one way to deal with the "bigger" transgressions is to choose to forgive and speak it and everytime you dont feel like forgiving them to do it again. Great *rolls eyes* but that doesnt do anything to the feelings of pain and anger and *insert current emotion here*. Those still rage within. I'm finding that its when i feel those very strong emotions that it becomes hard to forgive. Contribute to that a lack of understanding. For whatever reason, i find that if I can get into the other persons shoes, I can forgive easier. But what to do you do if none of that is available to you? How do you forgive, how do you move past and through and how do you stop the overwhelming emotions to not consume you? Where is the grace and peace for all this?

Worm theology

Ok, I have had this brought up in a number of ways over a number of years and I am trying to make sense of it all. There seems to be this current of thought in Christian circles that apart from God we are nothing more than the scum of the earth. I have problems with it. I don't understand why there is a theology wrapped around how horrid we are. And frankly I dont' understand how people would want to embrace a faith that believes we are scum. I could be way off base here but bear with me. God made us in His image. And then He spoke over us as His creation and declared that we are good. So where on earth do we get this idea that we are worms. We are made in His image, He declared that we are good and for me that settles it. I often have a discussion wiht people as to how our behaviour does not define you as a person. I have found that a lot of behavour stems out of where we have been wounded. But that does not take away from the fact that God created us in His image and declared that we are good. Dont' get me wrong, there can and may come a time when we engage in godless behaviour so much so that God will give us over to our actions. But I think overall our behaviour does not define us. I can look to my own life for many examples. There have been things that I have done that I am less than proud of. But that does not detract from the fact that God still sees me as having value and worth.Parenting comes to mind here. Kids act up and rebel and act in inappropriate ways but a wise parent sees past that into the heart of their children. It is what is in the heart that defines who we are. I think that may be why there are so many biblical admonitions to guard our hearts and be careful of what we put into them. Becuase at some point, if we consistently dwell on and engage in godlessness, then we can become that.When I think on this form of theology, I have a problem with the idea that we are at the very bottom and God swoops down and rescues us. Don't get me wrong, we fell and we live in a state of sin and God did send us His son to reconcile us back to Him. But I think there is a difference between recognizing that fact that we are fallen and going so far as to say we are horrid worms. Personally I think that that is an afront to God. If He created us in His image, how can we be worms. Would that not entail that He is then as well? God created us as beautiful people that reflect Him. Did we mess up? Yup! Do we sin daily? Yup! But does that mean we are worms or scum? NO! I don't believe so. I think it means that we are beautiful creatures whom God declared as good who messed up and made mistakes and if we have a contrite heart then God is gracious enough to forgive us and bring us back to Him.Like I said earlier, I could be way off base here but for someone who struggles with self worth, to think that I am a worm that deserves nothing is hard for me to grasp. It is far easier for me to believe that although I mess up and am sinful, God made me as a beautiful creation whom He spoke over and declared as good. It is far easier for me to believe that, rather than me being nothing better than scum. And maybe I am worng and taking the easier thing for me to believe. But I know who I am, I know my heart's intent and I know too where I messed up and what caused me to mess up. The thing I find is that the reasons why I mess up come out of areas where I have been hurt and they do not reconcile with who I am and what my heart's intents and desires are. Worm theology...... sorry at this point I cannot buy into it.

The Hard..er..high road

Narrow is the gate and few will enter it..... what a lesson, a few simple words that I have heard since I was a tot. Didnt make sense then. Made more sense as I grew and understood about Biblical parables....and then there is now. Its been a long journey with no real end in sight yet. And now those words make sense. It was a gate I chose to enter. Why? At the time it was so that I could look into my lovely three pairs of eyes at night and go to bed knowing I did right by them. It was an easy decision to make. Yet its been a hard decision to live. I've lost a lot by that choice. I have counted the cost. Are my three pairs of eyes worth it? Every penny of it. And yet there are moments when that fades into the distance. There are moments when my name is being dragged through the mud that I don't see that reason. There are moments when family and friends have turned on me, that that reason becomes overshadowed by the all too familiar stab of pain in my heart. There are moments when it seemed I had nothing left but those same three pairs of eyes that I couldnt see it. There have been moments when I have faced the most horrid of allegations that I could that I wanted to renig on my decision, so much so that I at times have "in the moment". So many times I have wanted to spit fire and fight on that level. But narrow is the gate and few choose to enter it. Have I succeeded. *shakes head* No. I've given in and fought at a level beneath me. I am not proud to admit it. And yet I can rest konwing I have not stoooped to the level laid against me. Small comfort tho for the times I renigged. For the times I have sunk a little lower than I wished.So back to the hard...er high road. What makes it worth it? Well there are those three pairs of lovely eyes but that does fade at times. So if that fades even tho my devotion level doesnt....what makes it worth it? Well for one, I never want to stoop to that level....Never! Not to sound arrogant but I'm better than that. Again that doesn't always get one thru tho. So what does? Well as I"ve been learning, a few things. Focus for one. I am in the process of trying to teach my kids that what they focus on is important as it dictates their actions. So that for one makes it worth it. I dont' want to become that which I fight, if I give in and do not walk the high road and focus on the attacks that come at me then I want to retaliate and play at that level. Then I am what I despise. That's one very good reason I dont. A dear friend also pointed this out to me as well. Its hard to walk the high road. It's hard to deny the flesh that wants vengeance and yet if I do walk the high road, that then is part of my sacrifice of parise. It is an act of worhsip of my heart as it is right and pleasing. It does cost but it is one of those acts of worship that comes with great sacrifice to do and great pain to do. And yet those are what are pleasing to God. Those acts of worship are ones He savours.So I'm back to my opening question. Why walk the high road, why enter the narrow gate? Well my three pairs of eyes thats always my immediate reason, then I dont' want to become what I despise. I dont' want to stoop to that level. Focus....where I lay my thoughts are what will come out of me. If I continue to focus on the evil laid against me, I will stoop to that level. And finally my sacrificial act of worship. It is the right and honorable thing to do. That is why I can rest at night and look my God and my babies in the eyes peacefully. It's why I can rest. I have done right by my God and I have done right by my babiesl. Thats what matters......tho it cost the rest.

The Duck and the devil

The Duck & the DevilThere was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved! In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch the next day Grandma said, 'Sally, let's wash the dishes,' but Sally said, 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen. Then she whispered to him, 'Remember the duck?' So Johnny did the dishes. Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, 'I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.' Sally just smiled and said, 'Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help.' She whispered again, 'Remember the duck?' So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help. After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's; he finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.' Thought for the day and every day thereafter - Whatever is in the past, whatever you have done...and the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.)... whatever it is... You need to know that GOD was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing. He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you, you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you. One of the many great things about GOD is that when you ask for forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He forgets. It is by GOD's grace and mercy that we are saved.