Authenticity

I am fairly certain that I have blogged on this before, however, I feel compelled to do so again. I have recently run into a situation where the offending party has decided to play nice. The problem with this concept is that it is fake, it is inauthentic and I know the rumours that said person has spread about me. This isn't a simple situation where they strive to put aside our differences in order to attempt to rebuild a relationship. That, if there is a mutual understanding that that is going on, I can get into. In that situation, if both parties are of the same mind, and the goal is to rebuild a relationship so they choose together to not discuss past concerns or sensitive topics, well they are being honest, they are working toward the common good goal of rebuilding a relationship. I can honor that.

However, this is not that scenario. This is a scenario in which the other party is putting on a nice face, and the moment that my back is turned the rumours fly. This I am not interested in. I have no desire to be in their company and this is why. To be in their company means I have to have my guard up constantly and I have to be inauthentic myself. Why? Because if I let my guard down, if I choose to be authentic then that means anything I may or may not say can and will be twisted and used against me. I simply am not interested in such nonsense. So I don't go there. However, I find myself put in a bind for an answer of getting together is waited for. I would love to tell the truth, however, that will cause hurt and then anything i may or may not say can and will be used against me. So for right now.....I find myself stalling.....