counselling is a wierd thing

So I sat here today with many many things running through my mind that I try to make sense of. And here's what I have discovered.

NOTHING

That's not entirely true. But I did reflect upon some wierd things.  And here is something that struck me.  I am a counsellor. It's in me. I live it and I breathe it. Of course the running joke when someone hears what you do is "don't analyze me" or "wow ur in for it I am a head case." Two things you hear relatively frequently as a counsellor. And it's not that I do so intentionally, but when it is in your blood, when you live it and breathe it, it becomes a natural thing.

I love people to death. I truly am a social butterfly. I care deeply about people and that is my motivator for figuring people out. I love to figure out how people work. That betters my ability to be able to help others, adn perhaps themselves. But here's the thing. My job entails that I am around people who have chosen to bear their soul to me. They choose to be completely honest and trust me with their pain. I have spoken of trust among people a lot. I bear that responsibility very solemnly.

I also tend to trust people a lot. I am trusting by nature. I treat people with openness and integrity and readily assume that others will do likewise. That by its very nature entails that I run a great risk of getting hurt because I go into situations with an open heart expecting people to treat me well, with dignity, with honour, with respect. Something I don't think I can change. It seems to be partly a result of being a counselor. I trust people that they will be honorable and truthful.

So as I have people that are intensely trusting of me and bare their deepest pain to me, I too trust, which means I may hurt. I only hope that I find the ways that I need to heal my heart so that it doesn't shut down.....