Relationships

.....are a funny thing. Two people with divergent backgrounds come together and formulate a bond of sorts. It's interesting to watch how the dynamics and interactions of the relationships formulate and operate. I have many different relationships and if I step back and objectively assess them, I see different patterns developing. In some of those relationships, because of who I am, I tend to be the care-giver, nurturer, empathetic ear. It's part who I am and  part my profession. I know I need to separate out my profession from my relationships but its the old adage that if you have a friend as a car mechanic then you get them to look at your car. I tend to find that my friends who know me and trust me, seek out my opinion and advice on their personal dilemnas. Truth be told, I don't mind helping, I just have to have some good boundaries and refer out when it starts to get too deep and personal for then the lines of objectivity start to blur and I may inadvertently be doing them a disservice. Our mandate "Do No Harm" may become compromised. Take for instance, if I were in an intimate relationship and said gentleman poured out his life struggles to me seeking my counsel. I am far too close to said gentleman and perhaps to said situation to be able to give clear objective counsel without my own feelings and agenda coming into play. Therefore, if I truly care about said gentleman I would encourage him to seek his counsel elsewhere. Not to say I wouldn't support him and or state my opinion, however, he would need to seek outside objective counsel.

However, the odd thing about relationships, is they have the ability and whether accepted or not, will most likely rub us the wrong way at times, exposing our "flaws" or struggles" Personally, I think that that is partly why marraiges fail. When people walk into a marriage they don't go in with the concept that they are dealing with two different people who have different upbringings. Inevitably, they will rub each other the wrong way at one point or another. Most people, blame the other party, refuse to own any of it. and retain their selfish orientation. Resentment and bitterness begins to build. Rarely does it happen when someone looks at the situation seeking to find out their part in the problem. Rather, they would perfer to blame the other party thereby absolving themselves of all guilt. Not very conducive to growth.

So as I type this blog, I have one specific relationship in mind. I have found that over the last few days, I have become increasingly frustrated with this relationship. Frustrated to the point of being tempted to shut it down. And then today arose an issue between us. Unconcsciously, I figured this was the way out and I was going to initiate it rather than having it be thrust upon me. However, the response that I received was completely different from what I am used to, totally outside of my paradigm. So I got to thinking about that. To me, that one instant was close to defining how a relationship should operate. Like two swords constantly rubbing up against each other and thereby sharpening each other.  As we worked through this concern, I sat and reflected upon this relationship. Upon reflection, I was able to cone to a solid conclusion. The area that serves to frustrate me, could, if I so chose, be an area of growth for me. For this source of frustration was not so much about the other party as it was about one of my own issues. The behaviour that served to frustrate me so much, is a healthy, normal behaviour. And in fact, it is my maladaptive behaviour that is causing my frustration. So here lies an issue. I could choose to ignore my part in this and be continually frustrated til I started to shut down and pull away from the relationship, or I could choose to view it from the paradigm of two swords sharpening each other, assess my own reaction and understand where this reaction first came from and do the healing work involved and thereby not only have a more satisfying relationship but having a healthier life.

It all boils down to how you choose to view these things. I am choosing to see this as an opportunity to grow and let the swords that are the relationship sharpen each other......thereby propelling my own growth......