A new and better year?

Expect a post in all my blogs today and tomorrow. I seem to be full of mixed emotions/reactions/thoughts. It's a weird spot to be in, half of me here and half of me there. 2010 has not been good to me right now. It started with my car breaking to the tune of 1500.00.  Needless to say as a single parent, 1500 isn't floating around me right now. And it was a fight to get it and then a number of promised options either fell through or either experienced difficulties themselves. Then just as I got that one sorted out, my cat was attacked which meant another bill to a vet and we all know those are not cheap. So I got that one sorted out and what happens? A broken heart. A friend of mine pointed out they come in threes, and we joked that hopefully the third was something simple. Well, the third - a broken heart - not so simple. Before, number three came along, I stated that it can only go up from here. Well, lets hope I was right.

Many people have said and have said to me, this is the year. This is your year. I think that that in part is because of how hard last year was for the general populace at large. In light of all the "victory parlance" that is being bandied about right now and in ight of how my year has started, I'm at a loss. The questions I find I am left with is:"will this really be my year?", "are things really going to change?", or "is this my destiny?", "is this how the rest of my life will be?"

I realize some of this is leftover victim thinking. I also realize that I need to ensure that I don't remain locked up in this kind of thinking, for that shall be me downfall. Part of this comes from a lack of direction. I know this much about this coming year: I will hopefully graduate. Did you notice that that's a hopefully? I cannot even guarantee that. It's really hard to be hopeful when you are in the middle of a mess of no direction.

So where does this leave me? Attempting to find direction and attempting to figure out where this year is going and attempting to figure out how to keep battling the negative self talk that lurks behind every closed door and every corner. Not an easy task to be sure.

So here's to jumping into the unknown with no idea what to do or how to do it....