I'll be honest

I am being flooded. I am being flooded with a myriad of emotions. I had lost connection with many important people to me, and today brought a reconnection with some of those people. As a result, I am being flooded with memories, with emotions, and with lost hopes and dreams. I am realizing now, what in my stupidity, I lost back then.

Life is weird. Many times I have looked back and wondered what I lost and in doing so, realizing that if I was different, interpreted things differently many many things would be different in my life. Friendships I had would not be lost, relationships that mattered would be prominent still.

Life throws many curves, and I have found out that many times we act in the moment and find out years later we regret what we did, that seemed right at the time.....but in hindsight we wished we did differently.

I find myself in one such situation. I am mourning what I now realize I lost, and yet thankful for the grace of God to give me a portion of what I lost. It is not what it was, but I treasure what it is now. Why? Because I realize what I almost lost completely and I am thankful for what I have now although it wasn't what I had then. I realize the treasure I lost and am thankful for any part of that I have now.

And so as I move forward, I hope that I can remember this lesson, and learn to treasure what I have, although it may not be what I wish. For many times, I find that when I lost what I had, although it wasn't what I wished, when and if I am able to regain it, I am thankful for the lesser that I have, and regretful that I was blind to the treasure I had.