I am not strong

I have lived many a hard year. And many ppl think that I am this monumental, have-it-all-together type of person. But guess what? I'm not.

I used to answer that its amazing what you can pull out when you have no option....as a way to explain what people think they see. And there is some truth to that. But guess what? I am NOT strong.

It is amazing what you can accomplish when you have no option. Things you never thought possible. Things you thought were beyond your scope. You can accomplish the impossible when left without an option.

However, I was referring to the more mundane things. And you know what? I am NOT strong. As I sit here and write, tears stream down my face.

When people see me, they see a portion of me and that is the portion of me that they think is ME.

And here lies my confession. Far too many nights I cry myself to sleep. Far too many days, when my kids are in school, I lie on my couch, I am either numb or I am weeping.

For you see, I am not strong. I am vulnerable. I hurt. I cry. I bleed. But few see my hidden pain. Few understand the struggles I face, the trials I fight and the demons I chase. Few understand that with every day, as many mothers see their children and smile, I see my children and weep. For what they have lost. For the pain they have suffered. For the ways I failed.

Few see.

Few know.

Few take the time.

Which one are you?

Will you see?

Will you know?

Will you take the time?

Or is my bleeding eyes, my tear stained soul not worth the risk it poses you?

Will you see?

Will you choose to turn away?

The choice is yours.

The ramifications......

.........I wear.