its the eve orf....

my baby's first day of high school. Now granted its not a real day, he goes for 30 minutes, but nonetheless, my beautiful baby boy is off to high school. I remember the day he was born, I remember how sick he was, I remember my paranoia about letting him out of my sight after he got sick. As a result I fight hardest for Jeffrey. Why not? He nearly died. I was going ot make sure that he had everything he needed to stay well. It was a bit of an obssession. through that I learned that you never know fear unti you have a child. then fear takes on a whole new dimension. jeffrey has been a light in my life. He was and is coming back to the child whom it is a joy to be around. My baby is 14 and once again randomly comes up to me to give me ahug and a kiss. he still wnats to cuddle up to me and cry if he's upset. I don't know what I did but I think that I can finally say that somehow in the midst of horrible things, I did something right.



My baby boy is becoming a man. there is a part of me that cannot help but cry and the innocent joyful loving charming charismatic baby I lost and yet I stand i awe of this boy turned man that he is becoming. He stands as tall as me now. I look him square in the eye. We have had some great talks lately, talks about God, talks of his dad, and behold the talks of sex are getting easier. Hold on!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to talk of sex with a boy??? my boy??? oh dear!!!!!!! yes I am talking about sex with my son. good grief I dont feel capable of that but perhaps that is a parent thing. I only knwo that as my son takes this first step into adulthood, i hope that I have taught him well despite MANY MANY messages to the contrary to the truth that I have raised him with.

i cannot believe that i have a 14 yr old son heading into high school soon to be a man. So Jeff, if you read this: I love you my darling boy. You have led a life of sorrow up til now but you have fought your way through to rise above the struggles that life has tossed you. You are growing in compassion and love, even for those who have hurt you. Your heart is a tender one, guard it my son, but never let it harden. choose caerfully and trust your wisdom. God has given you a great sense of discernment, rest in that for it shall not fail you. You are much loved Jeffrey, and I coudnt ask for nor hope for a better son than you. May God be with you as you develop into a warrior man for his kingdom. you are a precious treasure and it is an honour to be called your mom. I love you darling son, dear child. I love you.