Wednesday, September 9, 2009

IT'S NOT OK!!!!!!!!!

I am sitting here after learning that once again i was played for a fool. my heart lay in pieces around me and I am running out of glue. never mind glue. I am running out of desire and strength to pick them up and put them back together. i will, rest assured, i always do. this is really getting old. and yet even if I wanted to, I seem to be incpable of hardening my heart. But I need you to know, THIS IS NOT OK! Guess what guys? I cry....and the tears are real....i bleed and its red like you and it is not okay to play me for a fool so that I do cry and I do hurt. pain and people in pain is not good and that includes me. at the bottom of this blog, I ask you to hold my heart gently, for it is here that you will see me vulnerable. So this is me in all my glorious vulnerablility. My heart got ripped out one more time, and now it lay in shattered pieces on the floor around me. And you need to know. IT IS NOT OK TO DISRESPECT PEOPLE AND PUT THEM IN THIS KIND OF PAIN. IT IS NOT OK. So would you please just stop it. before you act, stop and think of the consequences of your actions and the effect that they will have on another. stop and think would you appreciate being in their shoes? If you answered no to those questions, then STOP IT, cuz IT IS NOT OK. I'm real, my heart beats and hurts like yours so take not please and treat it and me accordingly. I am not here for your gain, and I am not here for you to toy with. I hurt too so stop hurting.
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2 comments:

  1. wendySeptember 9, 2009 at 7:44 AM

    make sure you email this blog entry to the guys that it's intended for, k?

    w

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  2. R and JSeptember 9, 2009 at 10:29 AM

    Big hugs, sis.

    I was going to share this in response to one of your other messages. But I think it will be good right here. I hope it brings you comfort.

    Do you know the story of George Matheson? He turned blind when he was twenty. He never married, despite his desire to. On the afternoon of his sister's wedding, at a particularly low moment, alone in his house, he wrote this incredible hymn "O Love That Will Not Let Me Go".

    Here is what he said about it:
    "My hymn was com­posed in the manse of In­ne­lan [Ar­gyle­shire, Scot­land] on the ev­en­ing of the 6th of June, 1882, when I was 40 years of age. I was alone in the manse at that time. It was the night of my sister’s mar­ri­age, and the rest of the fam­i­ly were stay­ing over­night in Glas­gow. Some­thing hap­pened to me, which was known only to my­self, and which caused me the most se­vere men­tal suf­fer­ing. The hymn was the fruit of that suf­fer­ing. It was the quick­est bit of work I ever did in my life. I had the im­press­ion of hav­ing it dic­tat­ed to me by some in­ward voice ra­ther than of work­ing it out my­self. I am quite sure that the whole work was com­plet­ed in five min­utes, and equal­ly sure that it ne­ver re­ceived at my hands any re­touch­ing or cor­rect­ion. I have no na­tur­al gift of rhy­thm. All the other vers­es I have ever writ­ten are man­u­fact­ured ar­ti­cles; this came like a day­spring from on high."

    O Love that wilt not let me go,
    I rest my weary soul in thee;
    I give thee back the life I owe,
    That in thine ocean depths its flow
    May richer, fuller be.

    O light that followest all my way,
    I yield my flickering torch to thee;
    My heart restores its borrowed ray,
    That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
    May brighter, fairer be.

    O Joy that seekest me through pain,
    I cannot close my heart to thee;
    I trace the rainbow through the rain,
    And feel the promise is not vain,
    That morn shall tearless be.

    O Cross that liftest up my head,
    I dare not ask to fly from thee;
    I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
    And from the ground there blossoms red
    Life that shall endless be.

    Here's a great recording of it:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1O6z1t4sveQ

    Love,
    J

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