Lots going on.....

So its been awhile since I updated last. There has been a lot going on, I had a health scare which we are currently working through, additionally I cannot seem to find a second internship, I got my son's psych-ed report back and of course the recession is hitting me here big time. And those are only the top things, there are also a lot of underlying things going on as well. So life has continued to be crazy and out of control and scary.

What does that mean? It means I react. I cry, I get mad, I get scared I panic and I generally live in a chaotic sense of being stressed out with dooms day images running through my mind.

Once I have my emotional release, I try to be logical and try and solve and then the reality hits me once again as to the hopelessness of it all and I start my panic/fear/anger/anxiety cycle all over again.

So I have tried to stop and do something different. "When you know better, you do better." Right? So I have tried to reset my focus back onto God everytime something happens. I have tried to delve into tons of praise and worship. What does that mean? I find one or two songs and in my  many hours in the car, I will only play those same three songs over and over, for they connect to me in a spiritual manner and bring rest to my spirit. Additionally I have found some podcasts from Bethel church which are really edifying to my spirit so I will soon be cuddling in with coffee and listening to one of those. And I choose to go back to connecting with  my church family although my tendency wants to isolate and shy away.

So I was at church this past Sunday and I asked for prayer and my pastor was praying and got this picture for me.

Whereas I feel like I am running a deadend on a treadmill and constatnly running and getting nowhere, unbeknownst to me, my treadmill is on wheels and God is pushing it along.

So what is the outpouring of this? Today I had a meeting wiht my son's school counsellor regarding his IEP or the potential of one. In discussing with my counsellor Jeff and the things he needs, this counsellor has a heart for my boy. He doesnt' want to simply ensure that Jeff's scholastic needs are met. Jeff wanted to join the fitness club so the counsellor is going to ensure that that happens and that Jeff gets paired with a senior student who will help look out for him and mentor him. Additionally, there is a boys posse that another  counsellor has started up and he is going to try and get Jeff hooked into that. Whether or not the school actually gets resource funding for Jeff, he will have an IEP. I have long since hoped for someone to come along and provide some mentorship for Jeff taht would help ensure Jeff's success.

This counsellor is going ot help me ensure that whatever we can find, we will get for Jeffrey.

And heres the kicker. This was not our school of choice. It wasn't Jeff's either. However, the school we had targeted wouldnt take out of  cachment kids, so here is where we ended up. Was it frustrating? To be sure, but God knew. He knew Jeff needed to be at this school with this counsellor to help ensure his success. So we have an IEP meeting coming up and Jeff is going to be connected and mentored. Just the things I have been searching for for my precious boy.

God was pushing my treadmill.......