Hello. My name is Kristie and I.....

Hi My name is Kristie and I am a senser-feeler aka a burden bearer. Let me explain. I pick up other people's stuff. I sense and feel what other people are struggling with and I carry it as my own. And I don't always know when or how I do this. But I do. It's very useful and it sucks. But it's all in the handling of it. But that first means you have to be aware of it. And that makese it hard. Take for instance my home. I can leave my home and be in a glorious mood. I can have a great day and be full of life and zest but when I return to my home, my mood drastically changes and I get pissy and grumpy and I can get head-achy and just plain miserable. The thing is nothing has caused it that I can tag. So there, I burden beared. My home though right? What is in my home that I would pick up? Well I think there are a few things. My kids also burden bear and so when they come home from their dads, its stuff that they could have picked up there, or it could be residual stuff from the prior tenants. The previous tenant was a prostitute who saw around 20 men a day. Lot of residual crap can remain in this house from her and her clients. Prior to that the house was a grow op. Again, lots of stuff there. At some point, there was someone in here that worked with mental illness, could be stuff there. So theoretically in this house alone there are may opportunities for yuck to be in here that I am picking up.

So I have a few options which I need to become disciplined in doing. And there's the key, at this point, its a discipline, its sacrifice to do any of the things that I know I should do. I have no interest in doing them, I have no desire. I want to lay down and not do.

One of the spiritual principles is that thanksgiving and praise are the gateway. In other words, when we praise and give thanks, it releases something in the kingdom. "But I don't want to!" I know I sound like a kid.....but I don't. It's like i'm frozen in this inability to. And therein lies the sacrifice, my spirit is not oriented to praising right now. I feel low and pissy and grumpy and I plain don't want to. But for there to be a release of blessings and abundance the entrance gate is praise and thanksgiving.

God knows. He understands that as humans we don't always WANT to praise, and that our spirits don't always FEEL like praising. In face, my spirit right now feels very burdened and very heavy and it feels very hard to do. And that is the sacrifice that is honourable and pleasing to
God.

So about the rest of the stuff? About the potentiality that there is residual crap that resides in this house that I pick up on? Praying through the house, annointing the doors and windows and washing off prayers should take care of that. Again, I don't want to, I have no energy to and I just want to lie and waste my day away. I am completely sucked of energy. But I know that if I start with the praise and thanksgiving, the strength for the rest will come. In fact, in talking about praising, there is a small lift in my spirit so now to be disciplined....

My nameis Kristie and I am a burden bearer........

Fathers Day

I have been laying low today, giving myself a much needed rest. In doing so, though, my brain has space to go. (If someone knows of the off switch do let me know). So I have been thinking. Today I don't see my dad, he lives in Alberta. I will phone him later and talk with him. So I start to think on what I would have done in previous years. Well, inevitably I would have celebrated with the kids and their dad. They are with him now. So if I wasnt doing that, I would go to my extended family's and see my grampa. He passed away last fall. And so here I sit.

I got a text message today, wishing me a happy Father's Day. Then a g/f wished me the same. Yes my children have a relationship with their father but anyone who knows of my life, knows I am mom and dad to my kids. Here's the kicker, I don't know how to be dad. I don't know what a dad would want to instill in his children. My own relationship with my dad is NOT one to be emulated. My children's dad, well I don't think he should have the title. So the question remains, what do I, their mom, need to teach my children, in place of a dad?

I know two general things: for my boys, I aim to teach them to be gentlemen, hold doors open for women be chivalrous. This one I know is working. My little man Jamie always holds the doors open for me and for women and in fact the other day scooted out of the car and ran around to the drivers side door and opened it for me. I melted as do all women for whom jamie holds or opens the door (although he is very quick to remind me that I need to remember to thank him!). With Jeff this lesson is a little harder and neither of the boys do that for their sister. I know this lesson is more than holding a door open, it is about treating women with respect.

Missy: this one is harder I think to teach, I need to teach her to choose a man, but I need to show her not to find one that is like her father for that is what us girls do. We seek in a mate a relationship that emulates one with our dad. So for this one, I need to teach her against that, and teach her that she is a woman and she deserves to be treated iwth utmost respect and dignity and that her voice deserves to be heard and listened to.

Lastly: I need to teach my boys how to be a spiritual head of their household and I need to teach them that that does NOT mean that they demand control through God's word but rather that they lay themselves down for their spouses and families just as Christ did for his Bride. I need to teach these boys that it is not earthly wisdom spun through Christian verbiage that dictates how they lead their homes, but rather it is a living breathing intimate relationship with their Saviour and the wisdom that comes as a result that will be how they lead their homes.
For Missy: I need to teach her that a wife supports her husband and encourages him and is his strength. However, in this manner I also need to teach her that that does NOT mean that she becomes a door mat but rather that if she is opposed to the thoughts of her spouse that she too gently seeks wisdom for her intimate relationship with her Saviour and gently challenges her husband on his thoughts.

I'm stuck.....first off, is this all? What else does a dad teach his children that I am missing here? Sure there are the more practical things like changing a tire and changing oil and killing bugs etc etc but what more am I missing? There must be more that I don't see cuz Im a girl not a guy and not a dad although i have to be dad.

It's a hard place to be, teaching my children things a dad should when i am not a dad and don't have a good relatioinship with my own dad to fall back on.

Not sure what I will do.........how will I manage to be mom and dad?

So for dads or those of you who know dads who would answer this question, I have posed it in my notes on FB. What is it that a dad teaches his sons, and teaches his daughters.......for now I must be mom and dad.......

happy fathers day to me?????