Hi My name is Kristie and I am a senser-feeler aka a burden bearer. Let me explain. I pick up other people's stuff. I sense and feel what other people are struggling with and I carry it as my own. And I don't always know when or how I do this. But I do. It's very useful and it sucks. But it's all in the handling of it. But that first means you have to be aware of it. And that makese it hard. Take for instance my home. I can leave my home and be in a glorious mood. I can have a great day and be full of life and zest but when I return to my home, my mood drastically changes and I get pissy and grumpy and I can get head-achy and just plain miserable. The thing is nothing has caused it that I can tag. So there, I burden beared. My home though right? What is in my home that I would pick up? Well I think there are a few things. My kids also burden bear and so when they come home from their dads, its stuff that they could have picked up there, or it could be residual stuff from the prior tenants. The previous tenant was a prostitute who saw around 20 men a day. Lot of residual crap can remain in this house from her and her clients. Prior to that the house was a grow op. Again, lots of stuff there. At some point, there was someone in here that worked with mental illness, could be stuff there. So theoretically in this house alone there are may opportunities for yuck to be in here that I am picking up.
So I have a few options which I need to become disciplined in doing. And there's the key, at this point, its a discipline, its sacrifice to do any of the things that I know I should do. I have no interest in doing them, I have no desire. I want to lay down and not do.
One of the spiritual principles is that thanksgiving and praise are the gateway. In other words, when we praise and give thanks, it releases something in the kingdom. "But I don't want to!" I know I sound like a kid.....but I don't. It's like i'm frozen in this inability to. And therein lies the sacrifice, my spirit is not oriented to praising right now. I feel low and pissy and grumpy and I plain don't want to. But for there to be a release of blessings and abundance the entrance gate is praise and thanksgiving.
God knows. He understands that as humans we don't always WANT to praise, and that our spirits don't always FEEL like praising. In face, my spirit right now feels very burdened and very heavy and it feels very hard to do. And that is the sacrifice that is honourable and pleasing to
God.
So about the rest of the stuff? About the potentiality that there is residual crap that resides in this house that I pick up on? Praying through the house, annointing the doors and windows and washing off prayers should take care of that. Again, I don't want to, I have no energy to and I just want to lie and waste my day away. I am completely sucked of energy. But I know that if I start with the praise and thanksgiving, the strength for the rest will come. In fact, in talking about praising, there is a small lift in my spirit so now to be disciplined....
My nameis Kristie and I am a burden bearer........
Beautiful blog Kristie... you're an amazing writer! Thanks for putting yourself out there so transparently... i love it! :)
ReplyDeleteKristie, I wanted to share some wonderful passages with you from some books I’m reading right now. On the subject of thankfulness, I too have struggled as of late, especially working in a job that is damaging my body and causing me misery, frustration, and stress.
ReplyDeleteWhen reading these wonderful authors I’m reminded that I must give thanks in ALL circumstances, not just the ones I’m happy about. But where the discipline comes is in remembering that God is always here with me in an intimate way. And remembering who He is, what His nature is, what He has already done for me, and that He is all-powerful, and that He IS love. And remembering who I am in Him. He wouldn’t have me in this ugly place if He did not have divine plans for me. His plan is ALWAYS better than my plan, even when I don’t understand exactly why at the moment. I have to trust in that. And when I do, I can thank Him even in the dark times. So, trusting and genuinely thanking Him has much to do with coming to the end of me, and resting in Him instead. He has not given us burdens so that we will try to carry them ourselves. He’s given us them so that we will surrender and rest in Him. That’s heaven.
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Here is the first passage I wanted to share. I apologize it’s quite lengthy, and this will probably take quite few posts to get it all in here. But I felt it was important to capture the full passage so the meaning won’t be lost (note, italics have been replaced by all caps for the sake of posting):
ReplyDelete“I am to love God enough to be contented, because otherwise even our natural and proper desires bring us into revolt against God. God has made us with proper desires, but if there is not a proper contentment on my part, to this extent I am in revolt against God, and of course revolt is the whole central problem of sin. When I lack proper contentment, either I have forgotten that God is God, or I have ceased to be submissive to him. We are now speaking about a practical test to judge if we are coveting against God. A quiet disposition and a heart giving thanks at any given moment is the real test of the extent to which we love God at that moment. I would like to give some strong words to you from the Bible to remind us that this is God’s own standard for Christians. “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not me once named among you, as becometh saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not convenient; but rather giving of thanks” (Ephesians 5:3,4).
Thus, the “giving of thanks” is in contrast to the whole black list that stands above. In Ephesians 5:20 it is even stronger: “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” How inclusive are these “all things” for which we are to give thanks? These same “all things” are also mentioned in the book of Romans (chapter 8, verse 28): “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” This is not a kind of magic – the infinite-personal God promises that he will work all things together for the Christian’s good.
Here I am told that if I am a true Christian, “all things” work together for my good. It is not all things except the sorrow; it is not all things except the battle. We throw the words “all things” in Romans 8:28 around ALL THINGS. We do honor to God and the finished work of Christ as we throw that circle around the whole; ALL THINGS work together for good to those who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose. But to the extent to which we properly throw the term “all things” around all things, it carries with it also the “all things” of Ephesians 5:20: “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father…”We cannot separate these two. The “all things” of Ephesians 5:20 is as wide as the “all things” of Romans 8:28. it must be giving of thanks for ALL things – this is God’s standard.
Philippians deals with this also. In Philippians 4:6 we read, “Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”
“Be careful for nothing: here means: Do not be overcome by care in anything, by worry in anything, but rather by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. Of course, this is a statement concerning prayer in contrast to the worry, but at the same time it carries with it the direct command to thank God in the midst of the prayer for “everything.” Or we may note Colossians 2:7: “Rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.” You will notice this is linked to the sixth verse: “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him.” What does it mean to walk in Christ? It is to be “rooted and built up in him, and established in the faith.” (And there are many of us who think this is BY faith; the INSTRUMENT to do this is faith) “… abounding therein with thanksgiving.” The final note is on the thanksgiving.
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Then we find in Colossians 3:15: “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body, and be ye thankful.” And verse 17: “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” And again in Colossians 4:2: “Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving.”
ReplyDeleteThese words about thanksgiving are in one sense hard words. They are beautiful, but they do not give us any room to move – the “all things” includes ALL THINGS.
We read in Thessalonians 5:18: “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” And this is linked to the next verse, verse 19: Quench not the Spirit.” Surely one thing is clear. God says to us: in EVERYTHING give thanks.
I think we can see all this in its proper perspective if we go back to Romans 1:21: “Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither gave thanks; but became vain in their reasoning, and their foolish heart was darkened.” This is the central point: they were not thankful. Instead of giving thanks they “became vain in their reasonings and their foolish heart was darkened.” Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools. The beginning of mens’ rebellion against God was, and is, the lack of a thankful heart. They did not have proper, thankful hearts – seeing themselves as creatures before the Creator and being bowed not only in their knees, but in their stubborn hearts. The rebellion is a deliberate refusal to be the creature before the Creator, to the extent of being thankful. Love must carry with it a “Thank you,” not in a superficial or “official” way, but in being thankful and saying in the mind or with the voice, “Thank you” to God. As we shall see later, this is not to be confused with failing to stand against what is cruel in the world as it now is, but it DOES mean having a thankful heart toward the God who is there.
Two things are immediately involved here, if we are to see this in the Christian framework rather than a non-Christian one. The first is that as Christians we say we live in a PERSONAL UNIVERSE and God the Father is our Father, to the extent that we have less than a trusting attitude we are denying what we say we believe. We say that as Christian we have by choice taken the place of creatures before the Creator, but as we show a lack of trust we are exhibiting that AT THAT MOMENT, in practice, we have not really so chosen.
(more to come...)
The second thing we must comprehend in order to understand a contented heart is the Christian framework rather than in a non-Christian one, is illustrated by Camus’ dilemma in THE PLAGUE. As Christians we say we live in a SUPERNATURAL UNIVERSE and that there is a battle, since the fall of man, and that this battle is in both the seen world and the unseen world. This is what we say we believe; we insist on this against the naturalists, and against the anti-supernaturalists. If we really believe this, first we can be contented and yet fight evil, and second, surely it is God’s right to put us as Christians where he judges best in the battle.
ReplyDeleteIn a Christian understanding of contentment, we must see contentment in relation to these things. To summarize, there is a PERSONAL God. He is my Father since I have accepted Christ as my Savior. Then surely when I lack trust, I am denying what I say I believe. At the same time, I say there is a battle in the universe, and God IS God. Then, if I lack trust, what I am really doing is denying in practice that he has a right, as my God, to use me where he wants in the spiritual battle which exists in the seen and unseen world. The trust and contentment must be in the Christian framework, but in the proper framework the contentment is deeply important.
If the contentment goes and the giving of thanks goes, we are not loving God as we should, and proper desire has become coveting against God. This inward area is the first place of loss of true spirituality. The outward is always just a result of it. “
True Spirituality, by Francis A. Schaeffer. Copyright 1971. pp 9-13
(more to come...)
OK, on to the second book passage I wanted to share with you. I warned you this would be long! :P
ReplyDeleteThis quote is not quite as long, but still profound. John Piper calls himself a Christian Hedonist. By that he means that worshiping God is not about sacrificing our joy, but instead recognizing that the only joy worth pursuing is IN God, and that we should seek that joy with all our hearts. He is often quoted as saying: The chief end of man is to glorify God BY enjoying Him forever. Here’s some great comments form him about worship:
“We strive against God’s all-sufficient glory if we think we can become a means to HIS end without making joy in him OUR end. Christian Hedonism does not put us above God when it makes the joy of worship its goal. It is precisely in confessing our frustrated, hopeless condition without him that we honor him. A patient is not greater than his doctor because he longs to be made well. A child is not greater than his father when he wants the fun of playing together with him.
On the contrary, the one who actually sets himself above God is the person who presumes to come to God to give rather than to get. With a pretense of self-denial he positions himself as God’s benefactor – as if the world and all it contains were not already God’s (Psalm 50:12)!
No, the hedonistic approach to God in worship is the only humble approach because it is the only one that comes with empty hands. Christian Hedonism pays God the respect of acknowledging (and really feeing!) that he alone can satisfy the heart’s longing to be happy. Worship is an end in itself because we glorify God by enjoying him forever.
THREE STAGES OF WORSHIP
But this is liable to be misunderstood. It might give the impression that we cannot come to God in real worship unless we are overflowing with the affections of delight and joy and hope and gratitude and wonder and awe and reverence. I do not believe this is necessarily implied in what I have said.
(one more post to come...)
I see three stages of movement toward the ideal experience of worship. We may experience all three of them in one hour, and God is pleased with all three – if indeed they are stages on the way to full joy in him. I will mention them in reverse order.
ReplyDelete1. There is a final stage in which we feel an unencumbered joy in the manifold perfections of God – the joy of gratitude, wonder, hope, admiration. “My soul is feasted as with marrow and fat and my mouth praises thee with joyful lips” (Psalm 63:5). In this stage we are satisfied with the excellency of God, and we overflow with the joy of his fellowship. This is the feast of Christian Hedonism.
2. In a prior stage that we often taste, we do not feel fullness, but rather longing and desire. Having tasted the feast before, we recall the goodness of the Lord – but it seems far off. We preach to our souls not to be downcast, because we are sure we shall again praise the Lord (Psalm 42:5). Yet for now our hearts are not very fervent.
Even though this falls short of the ideal of vigorous, heartfelt adoration and hope, yet it is a great honor to God. We honor the water from a mountain spring not only by the satisfied “ahhh” after drinking our fill, but also by the unquenched longing to be satisfied while still climbing to it.
In fact these two stages are not really separable in the true saint, because all satisfaction in this life is still shot through with longing and all genuine longing has tasted the satisfying water of life. David Brainerd expressed the paradox:
Of late God has been pleased to keep my soul hungry almost continually, so that I have been filled with a kind of pleasing pain. When I really enjoy God I feel my desires of Him the more insatiable and my thirstings after holiness more unquenchable.
3. The lowest stage of worship – where all genuine worship starts, and where it often returns for a dark season – is the barrenness of soul that scarcely feels any longing, and yet is still granted the grace of repentant sorrow for having so little love. “When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was stupid and ignorant, I was like a beast toward thee” (Psalm 73:22).
E.J. Carnell points toward these same stages when he says,
Rectitude, we know, is met in one of two ways: either by a spontaneous expression of the good or by spontaneous sorrow for having failed. The one is a direct fulfillment; the other is indirect fulfillment.
Worship is a way of gladly reflecting back to God the radiance of his worth. This is the ideal. For God surely is more glorified when we delight in his magnificence than when we are so unmoved by it we scarcely feel anything, and only wish we could. Yet he is also glorified by the spark of anticipated gladness that gives rise to the sorrow we feel when our hearts are lukewarm. Even in the miserable guilt we feel over our beast-like insensitivity, the glory of God shines. If God were not gloriously desirable, why would we feel sorrowful for not feasting fully on his beauty?”
Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist, by John Piper. Copyright 1996. pp 85-86.
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OK, that's it! Sorry I'm so long-winded today. But I hope you find the info encouraging anyway. *hugs*
Love,
Janice