K so I'm driving home from a photoshoot. So far it's been a pretty good day. Went to work and played with the kids and hugged the monkeys. One little one who has been reticent with me for a long time now is finally coming around and talking to me and participating in class. Huge victory. Sun is out, photoshoot went well, things were going well until.....
I drive by the hospital and it all comes flooding back, the humilation of the rape kit which is a horrific experience, the bruises, the meds, the potential HIV risk, the possible pregnancy, the dilemna of the plan B pill.
So all this comes rushing back, in minute detail with both mental pictures and emotional upheaval. Tagged on to that follows the details of the rape. We have all heard of flight or fight but there is an additional one that has been discovered....freeze. Freeze usually occurs when people have undergone previous trauma, especially childhood trauma, as they have been trained that they cannot fight and often have been prevented from fleeing.
So it all comes back in rushing detail, my feeble attempts at protest, the horror of it, the fear, the numbness and the ensueing zombie like state that i lived in for days after.
And here I sit without a clue as to what to do, I can feel myself slipping away, slipping away from the reality of it all, not knowing where I will end up nor how to fight it, i just slip away...
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