Today

I find I am sitting at the proverbial fork in the road. Over the past littlle while I have been under an onslaught. This paritcular battle seems to be hitting two target areas in my life. First and foremost it is my identity. I remember at Easter time I had a breakthrough moment. I was wearing this brown fake leather coat with fake fur around the hood and down the bodice where the buttons were. I remember loving that coat. But later, when I first connected with my church, my pastor also had a picture of me wearing that coat. Except this time it wasn't something that was a good thing. In fact, it was keeping me worn down and burdened. It was an identity that was not rightfully mine. I remember during Easter seeing this coat fall off me and Jesus clothed me in a white gown. And for whatever reason, that coat was representative of me having had an abusive past and being a victim. And I was and am no longer that girl. I was dressed in white. Now for those of you that read this that are familiar what the effects of abuse, it makes one feel very dirty and slimy. I used to spend hours in the shower trying to come "clean." And yet there I was dressed in clean, pure white. That was quite a revelation for me and I had almost forgotten it save for my writing this now. And so the question remains again, who am I? How does God see me? and who am I in this season? For in the past few weeks many many things have occurred that have shaken my identity as to who I am in Christ and with what authority I stand. And yet there is a burning desire in me to know in my deepest recesses and I cannot rest without knowing for the other avenues certainly have not and are not working for me.

The second battle is over finances and I am not sure where the root of that is. I only know that when faced with looking at finances and when faced with the possibility of not having money to meet bills at the end of the month, terror strikes in my heart. The ensueing response is greater than the issue at hand so I know that this is bigger than what is before me and there is some form of past wounding regarding this process. What it is, I remain unsure.

So that's where I am today, under the onslaught of my identity and my finances.....so I ask what is my inheritance word for today? Where do stand Lord? What would you have me focus and meditate on today? I think I'll start with worship........