struggling

So I have been really struggling lately, struggling spiritually and feeling very left behind and forgotten by God. Don't get me wrong, I know He has been working around here for us, my baby got baptized, my eldest has been having major breakthroughs left right and centre and I have seen God's hand of provision for me this past week, albeit a tough week at that. But always there is one desire of my heart that stays empty and I get so very very tired of it. As I write this, tears stream down my cheeks as my heart lay in broken pieces around me.

I am tired! N0, I am exhausted. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of things being a battle. I am tired of doing this life alone. I am tired. I want someone with me, who will share in my joys and weep with me in my sorrows. I have a graduation looming on my horizon. That is an icredible feat for me and I wanted someone to share it with. I don't want to do it alone like I did the last one. I ache to love and be loved. This has been an all consuming desire of mine for my life. My common theme....the search for love. I'm not going to lie...it hurts to see those around me take for granted what my heart so dearly desires.

And I have done the investing in myself, and discovering new things about myself, and discovering new areas of interest and new things I love to do. I have done those things and discovered some things about myself that I did not know. But in the back of this still looms my heart's desire.......

and so begins another day.......