wierd

For two days now, I have not had any major revelations. I find this wierd. For a bit there i was writing like mad, and now? Nada. Im not sure if this is a good thing. Is it good that I have nothing to say or is it simply a by product of being consumed by school. Speaking of, my daughter came crying to me the other day saying how she feels that my life is consumed by school....and she's right. Since my split, I have been back at school obtaining my undergrad and then straight into my MA program. It is frustrating to know that my children have lost thier mother. Up til then I was home for them, doing a bit of work but still being involved in their school activities. It has been a huge adjustment for all of us to lose our family unit and then for the kids to lose their mother and for me to lose that part of my identity all in one fell swoop. One of my most trusted girlfriends continues to tell me that part of this process is ensuring that when I come to my next marraige (that still sounds so horrid at times and so blessed at other times) that I will be bringing something of my own to offer to our union. I will have a career that entails that I am not dependent on my husband as I once was. This is a good thing but the road there has been long and lonely and we have all suffered greatly for it. I do try and still do all the mom things but I notice the difference. Whereas, once my children took it for granted taht I woudl drive on their field trips, they now rejoice when that happens. The flip side of that is that they are just as devastated when I cannot.

They don't know and I am trusting you all to keep it to yourselves but I am planning a holiday for us, one that will boggle thier little minds. I hope to on some level make it up to them for my absence in their lives during this past three years. And I hope and pray that God sees fit to allow my thesis and internship to go well so that I may graduate next year and then can have mommy back to a degree......

thanks for listening, apparently I had something to say......